Lil' Cheney
Personality "like another third hand that's just really cool and hates everything."- Lil' George on Lil' Cheney Lil' Cheney is George's favourite crony, although he ranks the lowest, just below Condi. Cheney can only say a few words at a time with interjections of "reh reh reh". Cheney always wears underwear with dumb sayings written on them such as "Juicy", "Diva" and "Too Hot to Handle". He displays severe anti-social and violent behaviour, most often killing small animals such as birds and mice. Either ripping their heads off and drinking the insides or eating the entire thing, alive. He stabbed Tiny Kucinich in the head with a fork and once threw him off a ferris wheel. In Iraq he kills three people with a machine gun, and he bombed the entire city of San Francisco. He once died and went to Hell. He annoyed Satan so much, he sent him back to earth. Despite this Cheney does have a softer side, most noteably his fake daughter, Melanie. Melanie was a watermelon assigned to Cheney and Lil' Pelosi to look after in a parenting assignment. At first Cheney planned on being a "dead beat dad", but when the watermelon falls over, knocking some food all over Lil' John Kerry, he becomes proud of her. He is a genuine good fake parent to her until Lil' Pelosi decides Melanie is a lesbian, at which point Cheney is conflicted between his prejeduce and love for her. In the end he decides to accept her the way she is. He also comforted Rummy after the two of them were almost raped. Most people do not understand what he is saying, but there are some exceptions. His dad, George, Rummy and Lil' Barack can understand him. Cheney's official character description used in the show-pack used in pre-production and to sell the show was as followes: "This guy is never in a good mood. He's so cranky he barely bothers to use words and just communicates with a series of dismissive grunts, mumbles and growls. Probably the only kid to ever have multiple heart attacks before his tenth birthday. His unique talent for shooting people in the face, being grouchy and getting triple bypass surgery makes him a triple threat." Criminal Record *Murder: Shoots three people with a machine gun, killing them. Bombed the city of San Fransisco. *Arsen: Sets a "Habitat's for Humanity" house on fire. *Insurance Fraud Used the insurance money from that house to buy a scooter. *Cannibalism: Eats part of Lil' McCain's brain. *Animal Abuse: His habit of eating live rodents and birds. *Torture: Helps Lil' George torture cafeteria staff after they removed Hot Dog Day from the schedual. *Assault: Threw Tiny Kucinich from a ferris wheel, and stabbed him in the head with a fork. Talents Music Cheney usually plays the drums in the gangs band, but he can also play the bagpipes, bass guitar, the saxophone and the xylophone. He also enjoys singing, although he is not the best at it. In Global Warming he uses two alternate timeline versions of himself to creat a barbershop trio, and almost became friends with Tiny Kucinich when they sang together, that is until Kucinich told him he was singing too low, he then stuffed him into his lunchbox. He also appears in a bumper in St. Patrick's Day called "Cheneyoke" where he sings his own version of "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay". Other Lil' Cheney is a launguage expert. Family and Relationships Darth Cheney Darth Cheney is Cheney's father. He seems to have a fairly stable and normal relationship with him. George Lil' George considers Cheney his favourite crony because of how much Cheney "hates everything". Rummy Lil' Rummy and Lil' Cheney are best friends, and spend the most time together outside of the group out of any of the cronies. They double dated together at the school dance and often complement eachothers appearances. Condi Condi is usually shocked or disgusted by Cheney, especially his habbit of eating live animals. In Big Pharma the gang takes medication that alters their personalities. While on the drugs Cheney became very touchy feely and was constantly trying to hug Condi, which she was repulsed by, mostly because of his bad breath. Barbara Bush In First Kiss Barbara seduces Cheney and statutorily rapes him. Health Cheney has severe heart problems, the cause is unkown but it is likely his extremely unhealthy diet. He has two scars from heart surgeries, one in the middle of his chest, and another on the left of his chest. He also mentions having had his heart replaced with that of a baboon at one point. In one episode he temporarily dies from a heart attack. Sexuality Lil' Cheney does not show any attraction to girls his own age, but rather is interested in adult women. He once tried, and failed to get a girl in his class to kiss him to win a bet, and he took Lil' Katherine to the school dance only because he felt he needed to have a date to the event. Sexual Abuse His attraction to older women once got him into trouble, as he was seduced and statutorily raped by Barbara Bush, and if that weren't bad enough he wound up getting lodged in her uterus. Lil' Katherine Harris attempted to rape him in the bathroom at the school dance, but he managed to get away from her and hide under a folding table. Trivia *His lunch kit has a bird on it. *He is Donick Cary's favourite character. *In the original shorts his tie and suspenders were baby blue. *Lil' Cheney exhibits 4 of the 9 early warning signs of a serial killer. (Antisocial behaviour, arson, killing small animals and intelligance.) *Always wears novelty underwear. *An official flash game was developed and hosted on Comedy Central's site called "Lil' Cheny Shooter Game" in which the object is to shoot the Lil' Dems while avoiding shooting Rummy. Quotes "La la la cuddle party! La la la." 'Condi: '"And he took my bra." 'Cheney: '"Reh reh reh looks like he got your boobs too reh reh reh." "Happy Easter!" 'Rummy: '"Ladies, I hope you're ready for some dancing. And maybe later, if the chemestry's right, some hand holding." 'Cheney: '"Reh reh slow down Romeo, reh reh reh." 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